When you say you want to get to this weight, this size or look like this, what do you actually mean? This is the question I have asked hundreds of clients. As a trainer and health coach I like to make sure a client knows why they want that particular result.
Why the why?
I have trained a lot of people who reach their ‘dream’ goal of a certain weight yet they aren’t entirely happy. Often we believe that we will find this eternal happiness when we hit that magic number but the truth is there are so many things that contribute to that happiness – your work, home life, eating habits, social life, sleep, time on social media, the friends you spend time with. The reason that a lot of my clients want to hit that weight is because they know at that weight, they felt good. This is regardless of what age they were or whether they had injuries or children or work stress in their life at that time. So to get back to that weight and feel exactly the same might be tricky.
So I need to help get to the bottom of why it’s important to reach that goal. If this sounds familiar to you and your focus is weight or to be a certain size, here’re some tips on how you can reframe that and actually learn to enjoy the process rather than just the end result.
1. Review who you follow on social media
Do you follow a lot of women (or men) that are ripped, take their clothes off a lot, have noticeably plump lips, perfect abs, gorgeous homes and enviable lifestyles? Whether you believe these lifestyles are real or not, these do not serve you, if you have issues with the way you look and you feel any less about yourself by looking at these photos I challenge you to unfollow. I am not saying these people are bad people, I just think they show you the best of themselves, their poses to show a ripe, cellulite free arse are generally just for the camera with some sort of filter. They do not look like this when they are bent over picking their kid up. There are so many great people to follow like Lizzo, iweigh, Chessiekingg (who has admitted that years ago she did just that and now shows all of her lumps and bumps with lots of fun posts)
2. Catch your negative words to yourself
We all know that person who can’t take a compliment, who scoffs at anything nice that’s said, who hides their insecurities behind a joke, who says ‘I’m no good at that’ ‘I can’t do that’ ‘I could never be like that’… or is that you? Do you think it’s being kind to yourself to say these things? It’s not, your mind hears
these things and acts accordingly. You tell yourself you aren’t good enough, your brain believes it and you are in a cycle of doing what you’ve always known because you don’t believe you can do any better. These are just words. You must address this and stop. Be mindful and force yourself to talk as if you are your best friend. When you catch yourself saying anything negative, tell your brain ‘That’s not true, let’s move on’ it may seem silly but I promise the more you do this, the less your thoughts will go to the negatives.
3. Try something new
I suggest something active where you use your body, you can do anything that is new to you, or even revisit something you did as a child. I mention it a lot because in the two years I did it, it changed my life for the better, but starting Jiu Jitsu boosted my confidence to another level. It wasn’t something I’d ever done, it was excruciatingly embarrassing at the start and I was constantly beaten but to feel like I could defend myself in some small way made me forget about any aesthetic goals I had, and just be super proud of what I had done. It’s definitely something I will go back to (having a baby changed what I was capable of so I have to adapt right now!). Maybe you did ballet as a child and want to feel the flow again, or rock climbing, hiking is a great one as its cost free and you can go at your own pace, tennis, golf, swimming. By getting better at something you willbe so focused on that, that you won’t have much time to worry about your weight goals – it will just happen, plus you will be enjoying yourself as time goes on.
4. Don’t compare yourself to others
This is linked to the social media one but we all know there is someone out there that you feel envious of, or just plain jealous of – the one who you feel has done better than you in her career, the one who looks amazing all the time, the
one who seems to have an amazing relationship and kids. Here’s a thought, rather than being jealous, be happy for them. But also realise that you don’t really know what’s going on in their lives and for all you know they have the same thoughts as you, maybe about you!!
5. Be more in the moment
I think we have all heard this advice before and maybe you are unsure of what it actually means. It took me a long time to realise I could do this, I didn’t understand how I could try to run a business with all the planning and work it takes as well as plan my life in general! I realise now that the idea of living in the moment isn’t just not bothering with the stuff you need to do to pay the bills, it’s finding some joy in all the things you do. We have to do certain things that are boring but rather than moaning about them and wishing time away, get them done and appreciate why you do them…if you are cleaning, can you feel grateful that you have something to clean? If you are getting petrol, maybe learn to appreciate that you actually can do this. And when you are with friends and family, make sure you are present. Put the phone away, look at your loved ones and listen properly. Avoid living a life of constant rushing and thinking what’s next, where do I have to be…
I hope some of these ideas help, if you can build some self-confidence doing things you enjoy, your goals will come and your mind-set will change to bring new goals! Contact me if you’d like to chat more about how I can help you get confident!!